....tired of Babywise. I hate it, honestly.
Why such venom? (other than the obvious fact that the authors are charlatans)
Because having your baby sleep through the night is just not important...especially not as important as breastfeeding.
And yet again, I have another mom call me with nursing trouble...
...she does Babywise...
...her milk is gone. The baby is "to small" and not gaining weight. She has to start formula (or solids if the baby is old enough)...and stop nursing. The doctor is freaked out.
Listen people....God made us to nurse. That's why THEY are there (contrary to some popular opinions from the male species). If you nurse the baby when the baby cries, then you will will have PLENTY of milk. Again, God is pretty darn smart. The whole system is supply and demand. The more the demand, the more the supply. It is not rocket science. When you try and put the baby on a schedule at a young age (less than 3 months) then it directly interferes with the supply. It is A LIE that the baby nursing to much will only get the foremilk and not the hindmilk.
A L-I-E.
All this to say.....I have done Babywise with one of my sons. # 1...or the Guinea pig. It "worked." He slept all night at a young age. And what did I gain from it? Pride. Selfishness. More pride. The satisfaction of saying, "MY baby sleeps all night..." as if that made me a good mother. And years later when I had more children I realized all that I missed out on....that special time during the night when we bonded...MORE sleep because the baby was not in the other room (screaming, many nights)...the pleasure of awaking every morning to a smiling face and the precious coos from a happy baby snuggled against me....and the fact that now my # 1 is almost 11 years old and I cannot physically hold him anymore. EVER AGAIN. I cannot pick him up and snuggle him, kiss him, smell him or nurse him. EVER AGAIN.
What would I trade for all those nights I left him in another room to cry it out so he would learn to self soothe...just to be able to snuggle with him all night?
I would trade every night of good sleep I had.
Burn the book, ladies. Do what your mommy instinct tells you to do. Go with what our Creator created!
I really could go on and on...shocking to you all, I am sure. But I just wanted to vent for a moment...and feel sorry for all those babies out there who are not being nursed because some "godly" couple wrote a book about infant training.
*stepping (a bit wobbly) off my soapbox*
for now :)
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9 comments:
I was feeling pretty fatigued during those first three months of breastfeeding Anastasia, on demand. One thing that really encouraged me was when I read an article on Kellymom about how it is essential to feed on demand for the first three months, in order to build up an abundant supply, so your baby can be nourished for 12, 24 months, or longer. It really helped me to realize that this is the way that it is supposed to be. Now I have such an abundant supply, that Anastasia never lacks for milk.
I must agree that those night feedings are so sweet! I get frustrated when others ask if my baby is "good" and sleeps through the night. No, she is quite happy and sweet, snuggled next to her mama.
Have you read Nancy Campbell's book, The Power of Motherhood? She goes on extensively on the fact that we reflect God, who meets our needs, to our babies, when we satisfy their needs. These are babies, and they were meant to be nurtured. We are mamas and that is our job.
Thanks for this amazing post, Tiffany. My heart goes out for that mother and baby, that you mentioned.
No one said the first few months would be easy...Babywise or no babywise. However, you are SO right when you stated the importance of establishing a firm milk supply in those first few months. If that is compromised then around 4-6 months is when a mom will notice her supply going down, along with the weight of the baby. It is possible to re-build the supply, however, most hard core Babywise moms will not do what it takes...nurse ALL the time and through the night to re-build.
I have not read that book but it looks like I need to!!! One of the main things I strongly disagree with about Babywise is their interpretation of scripture AND comparing my Lord dying on the cross to SCHEDULING A BABY'S MEALS.
I think that the Lord is merciful, loving, caring toward us even during our sinfulness...and He is always there for us and will never leave us. So to attempt to draw a comparison from that to a baby's schedule is a lack of biblical understanding combined with idiocy. (yes, I just said that)
Oh...again, I could go on and on.
And I have not even mentioned their lying about their credentials...
Unfortunately this mom is not the first. I get the same call ALL the time. Out of thousands of couples I have taught over the past 10 years I would say about 20% do Babywise...and out of those 20% a vast majority of them have issues with baby's weight gain. It is rare that things go fine. they also have more issues with postpartum depression. This is why the Christian community needs to stand up and stop promoting this book!
What you said. . . amen. . . very much in line with our experiences. (And then subsequent research. . .) So many new moms I know are BW moms--and they make babyhood so much more difficult for themselves by following BW! So much more stressful with the scheduling and crying and worrying and second-guessing. Second-guessing while at the same time being overly confident in the routine.
Amen!
I knew I wouldn't like the book, but checked it out of the library just to read it any way, to see what all the fuss was about, and EWWW!!!!!
The tone of this book is just beyond condescending. plus, I disagreed with most of the content. Establishing a bedtime routine, bath, storytime, etc? Fine, but the other stuff. Eww.
And, I now know someone from church whose 11 week old is still the same weight as when she was born. And they are following a program similar to BW. I really want to say something to them, but what? They are seeing their pediatrician, now have had the baby on tons of different formula. I really feel strongly that the lack of weight gain is due to overscheduling the baby, but...what can I say without sounding too overbearing?? So frustrating. I really want to cry whenever I see this baby. ARGH!!!!!
Tulip girl,
I was SO stressed when I did BW with #1. It was awful and just not worth it. I did not *enjoy* my baby nor being a mommy. How sad!!!!! My worst memory...laying in bed one night listening to him scream and wanting SO BAD to go get him...but staying in bed because I was sleep training him and I did not want to spoil him. (after all, he was just manipulating me, right?) i even turned on some music right next to my ear so I would not hear him...and I laid there for hours...crying.
Yeah, that is what the lord does when we call for Him...when we need Him.
Grace,
I have read the book 3 times. I re-read it when it was updated just to see if there was any change to their teachings. Nope. I really got mad and hubby asked if I would never read it again...so I threw it away.
If this mom you know brings up the subject then you may feel a freedom to give some gentle suggestions. She may not have ever heard of the dangers or of any other ways do do a schedule. I am not a "baby led" type of person on much other than nursing...so doing a schedule of sleeping, eating, bathing, etc is great. However, it is the strict adherence to the clock that causes a problem as well as the baby sleeping all night. Babies NEED to eat very often since their tummy's are the size of a walnut. And if they do not eat often enough they get dehydrated and malnourished.
And I am not even mentioning the whole fertility issue! God wants us to pop out kids but He did not design us to do so every 9 months...and scheduling a baby causes mom to ovulate and able to get pregnant again to soon.....and I better stop there or I will never stop :)
Thanks Tiffany.
I am worried about this little one, but yeah, it is a delicate situation. I'm not a dr., but this little one seems like a 'failure to thrive' to me.
The mom was bragging abt how the baby only gets up one time a night and how they would be cutting out that feeding soon, and my jaw just about hit the floor. Every time I see this baby I just have this urge to feed her!!!!
I am a mom through adoption, and the other thing that drives me even more wild re; Baby Wise is to see adoptive parents try to use it on newly adopted kids. Argh!!!
Sidenote- I was telling my grandma about this situation, and others like it, and she was just shocked. "In my day, we just fed the babies when they were hungry, what are people thinking?! No common sense!!"
Grace,
When son #1 was a baby and I was doing BW my grandma basically told me the same thing! She just could not understand why I was doing what I was doing...and she said that her mamma had 9 kids and no clock...and they all were fine.
The mom you know has the unfortunate character quality that I have seen with BW parents:PRIDE.
I would l-o-v-e to adopt!!!!!! Where did you adopt from? How did it go? I would love to hear all about it!!!
I LOVE this post! Nursing is such a gift and babies change and grow virtually over night! I don't want to miss these precious moments....even in the middle of the night!
Just so happens, my babies begin sleeping through the night between 6 and 8 weeks, and I'm an "on demand" nurser! So HURRAY for God's perfect design of breastfeeding!
Thanks for ranting....er, uh....posting! I'm sure this will help many young moms steer clear of (un)BabyWise!
Candace, mom to seven
hey Tiffany- we actually adopted domestically, right here in the Us.
There is still such a need for international adoptions, but a lot of the overseas programs like Guatamala and China have really slowed down, so we investigated the US. It is sooo worth it, but it was so much more of an emotional rollercoaster than I ever expected, seeing the grief of our child's birth mom in the hospital. That is one thing they never prepared us for, and it was agonizing.
We are so blessed! We may try international for our next adoption, Ethiopia is still a good program, and I've heard Brazil might open up.
A good domestic option to look into is "Project Cuddle.'
And, for low cost adoption, social services is a good option. I know several families who have adopted babies/toddlers thru social services, and it is indeed a blessing. Blessings!
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