Adventures in Potty Training

I have a saying...a theory, really. Kids should not be forced to go "big boy potty" until they are ready...AND, (I say this to those people that make negative comments about my 2 1/2 year old who is still in diapers)..he will not go on his honeymoon in diapers.

Well, until now. My child will be the first in history to need diapers when packing for college.
He will also be the first man to hide diapers in his suitcase when preparing for his honeymoon.

WHY?

It is all my fault.

I got a brilliant idea the other day. "Let's potty train Presley!" To the onlooker it seems quite ingenious. Potty training a 2 year old cannot be THAT difficult, right? Who cares if none of his brothers were potty trained that young. He has above average intelligence, right?

Out came the little potty. The bain of every parent...Traipsing through our nightmares as we dream of toddlerhood. The little plastic "big boy potty". (fully equipped with the shield that guards against flying urine)

I set the potty on a large beach towel in the middle of the entry hall. My thinking around this idea was, if I do say so myself, quite brilliant. Pres will not want to miss anything that is going on...so I will put the potty where he can sit on it at will and still be in the middle of the action (and the large towel...on a hard wood floor)

Initially, Presley was thrilled with his new potty. He was more than obliged to get naked and sit there for 10 minutes straight.

At first.

Those 10 minutes were spent with his brothers cheering him on....telling him how to "go"...and with his mother (yours truly) force feeding him gallons of water to, uh, aid in the situation. After the first 10 minutes (still no pee) the older boys get bored and wander off to find their own interests elsewhere. I mosey on into the kitchen to start breakfast. And Pres looses his audience.

A few minutes later I peek my head around the corner to check the progress....and notice that the entire area around his potty and towel are soaked. WITH WHAT? Oh, just water. He had been pouring out the cup of water -that I had supplied him with- all over the floor and into the potty.

"Ook! Mom! Pee-pee bgboy potty!"
*translation*
"Look Mom! I went pee-pee in the big boy potty!"

It was my job to explain that pouring water from a cup into the potty did not count as going pee-pee.

On and on this goes....for at least 15 more minutes. Poor little guy was so bored he was dancing on the potty while sitting there. Unfortunately, this became his downfall.

The dancing on the potty while sitting dislodged the potty insert (that some genius parent got millions for....but that actually is a pain) and the movement caused Presley's baby fat legs to get pinched in between the insert and the potty.

OUCH.

He had a huge bruise and bleeding...and was VERY traumatized. He kept crying "No-no Bah!! No-No bah!!! Potty!!!"
*translation*
"No-no STOP! No-No- STOP! Potty!"

No more potty.


Fast forward about 2 weeks later. No more potty time has happened since "the incident". I have decided to wait a bit longer.

Until the fateful day at hand.

Pres picked up a stomach bug from church on Sunday. "Stomach bug" in this case meant diarrhea like water. Poor little guy. He had this tummy ache and a high fever AND his bottom was red and sore from the burning poopie.
After one such blowout I put him in the bathtub to ease his burning little bottom. He was sitting in the tub playing with his toys when he said "uh oh". I know what that means.
Sure enough, the poor guy was "going" in the tub.

#2


I said "hold it! hold it!" and grabbing him out of the tub I ran him to the toilet to finish.


Oh, the trauma that ensued.

As he is trying to hold in water-diarrhea and his mom is racing him across the bathroom, wet and naked, to...the potty...he is screaming, "No Mommy! Potty Bite Me!!! POTTY BITE ME!!!!!"

Watching him try and flex is body around the impending hole of doom was heart wrenching.

So you see?????????????

He is warped for life with the whole potty thing. He is scared to death. He will be the first grown man in history to worry if his diaper is leaking during a long business meeting.