The Birth of Our Ethan Chandler Flamm July 17, 1997
This will be long… :)
My pregnancy was an ordeal…at least, it seemed that way. We had just gotten married in August, moved to South Carolina for college, and Josiah had started a new job as a Youth/Children’s Minister at a little church in Greenville. I found out I was pregnant in October, right around Halloween. About 2 days later I started getting morning (all day) sickness that lasted till I was about 5 months pregnant. At the time I had no idea how to make it better or what to do to keep it at bay…so I honestly laid in bed all day everyday for months on end. I lived on scrambled eggs and peanut butter with mashed banana in it (yes, it looked like vomit…but for some odd reason I could eat that, and only that). We were living in a 200-year-old farmhouse on 40 acres outside of Greenville and we had to drive an hour to the church and 30 minutes to school and 20 minutes to the grocery store…and driving made me SO ill. I remember Josiah pulling the car over to let me throw up several times…poor guy. We were also so poor that we could not buy food. Josiah would skip meals so I would have food to eat. What a sweetie!!! We made $146.61 a week at the church…no kidding…that was 1997, not 1927 and our rent was $400 a month plus the $200 it costs to heat that farmhouse. Yeah…it was not working.
So, around February we were allowed to move into the church parsonage. The reason it was empty was because the pastor would not even live there! It was in shambles…honestly, it was really gross. We cleaned and cleaned…painted, wallpapered and tried to unstop the toilets that had been clogged for centuries. We only got one toilet unclogged and it was at the other end of the house from the Master bedroom…so many a nights I tripped in the hall on my way there. After a LOT of cleaning and some help from our sweet families, we moved in.
Around the same time we moved in the parsonage we also started taking a Bradley Childbirth Class. I had always loved the idea of a homebirth, and had planned to have one, until Josiah said NO WAY. I was going to a typical OB doctor in Greenville…the ONLY one I could find that did not also do abortions. I did not like him at all, but I felt like I had no choice. I had attended a homebirth when I was 16 with a midwife in Georgia and LOVED it…so I knew what I wanted from my birth. As the Bradley class continued it was apparent to me that the care I was getting from the OB was awful, and I was not happy. He was also telling me that I was too small to have a baby over 7 lbs and that I would most likely need a C-section. (my mom had C’s so I guess that makes it an automatic for me). At my next prenatal visit I tried to talk to him about the things I wanted during my birth. I explained that I did not do not want an epidural nor did I want an episiotomy. He stated that no mom can make it without an epidural (“but if I wanted to be the first I could try…”) and that I was putting my baby’s life in danger if I did not get an episiotomy. This is when I made the comment that changed my life…for real! I said, “Well, I have been to a homebirth and the midwives never cut the mom, the mom never has drugs, and the babies are just fine”. How did that change my life? Because it made him mad. Very mad. He yelled at me, “Did you go to medical school? How many babies have you delivered? You have no idea what you are talking about!!!!!!”
It was because of this that Josiah stood me up and we left that office, never to return. Josiah then gave me the okay to find a midwife…in a hospital. I finally convinced him to let us interview one homebirth midwife, and the rest is history. He loved her! We hired her! Yeah!!!!!!!!
Well, fast forward to about 34 weeks of pregnancy. (that would be 8 ½ months). We could no live on the “salary” Josiah was getting. He was not “allowed” to get another job. We were miserable and living on Raman noodles (yuck! Poor Ethan!).
We made the decision to move back to Georgia to live, work, and birth there. I hated to leave my sweet midwife, and we tried to think of a way to still use her, but it would be just to far away. Josiah got a job with a friend of his and we rented a basement apartment from a sweet family. To Georgia we went!!!
We interviewed 2 midwives trying to find one that we really liked. Claudia was the 2nd midwife we spoke to, and we left her office 100% sure she was “the one”. We hired her and planned our waterbirth.
The heat that summer was incredible. I would lay outside in my birthing pool, filled with ice-cold water, and imagine I was in labor. I just wanted this baby OUT!
Well, I had to wait. I went almost 2 full weeks past my due date…all the while getting bigger and bigger and bigger. Claudia was so laid back and okay with the fact that I was “overdue”. She did my home visit and met my birthing team…my hubby, my mom and my friend, Shelia Meadows. We had the pool all tested and ready to go…now we were just waiting on….the baby.
At 4 a.m. on the 15th of July I began having strong contractions. I got up and walked around the basement for a while, but my back was just killing me. Around 6 a.m. I woke Josiah up and told him what was going on. He called Claudia (who said go back to sleep!), my mom and his mom. (hindsight is 20/20….STUPID thing to do! To early in labor!!!). I continued contracting for hours. Around midmorning the contractions got a bit easier to handle, so I decided I wanted some food and change of scenery. So, we went to Cracker Barrel for lunch and to some furniture stores to walk around. I figured I could lean over a bed or something to contract and no one would know what was going on.
Later that afternoon I went to moms house (where we planned to birth) and met Claudia there. Everything checked out fine except that I was only 2 cm dilated! I was SURE I had progressed more than that. My contractions were all in my back and still sporadic in timing, but I was in a good amount of pain so I thought things were progressing. I was wrong! The baby was in an OP position (faced the wrong way) and that was causing the back labor. Claudia gave some suggestions and then had to leave to go to another birth. She was confident I still had a while to go (boy was she right) and would make it in plenty of time. All that night I was awake with contractions…into the next day…and all day, till the afternoon. Claudia had come back and checked things again…the baby was doing great, and physically, so was I. Mentally, however, I was broken into tiny pieces. I had not progressed anymore…still 2 cm, and I was SO EXHAUSTED. I was hysterical…crying, shaking, not able to complete a thought. I was sure I just could not go on any longer. I just wanted to sleep! Claudia asked if I wanted to go in to the hospital. I could get an epidural and some rest. The thought was VERY tempting. Then I remembered the questions I was taught to ask if things were going to deviate from my birth plans (go Bradley Class!). I asked her if the baby was okay. She said the baby has been looking fantastic. I asked if I was okay, physically. Yes, she said I was fine as well…other than being exhausted. I asked if they would C-section me. She said that is always a possibility. The thoughts running through my mind were, “I am wimping out. No, this is not what I expected, but I can still do it. So what if I am tired. I want to have my baby at home. They will C-section me. They told me I was too small. Am I too small? Are they right? NO!” I decided to stay home for as long as I could. At this point Claudia had a heart to heart with me…and it went something like this, “Tiffany, labor will get harder. It will get more painful. You can do it, but you need to suck it up and deal with it.” That was exactly what I needed!!!! Claudia suggested that I get into the birthpool to get some rest. I was able to sleep between contractions, as was Josiah. The warm water helped the pressure in my back and gave me a bit of a second wind. Claudia left again to do ANOTHER birth…isn’t that I great thing to hear in labor…another mom will birth before you…AGAIN. All I kept thinking was, “Labor will get harder, but I need to LET IT get harder. I can do it.” All the naysayers that tried to talk me out of homebirth for the last 9 months were going to be wrong. They were! My mom and Josiah gathered around me and my enormous belly and prayed for the baby and I. They prayed he would be born soon, that we would be safe, and that he would turn into a good position for the birth.
Around 4 p.m. I went potty…and lost my mucous plug! Now, it is kinda gross, but you have NO IDEA how excited I was!!!!!!! That meant there was something more going on in there! I showed it to Josiah, who about puked, and to my mom, who was on the phone. She made a funny face. I was elated!!! A few hours later my parents left to go get something to eat. I decided to lay down for a bit to rest. My contractions were starting to feel….different. Not just in my back anymore, but they were also deep in my belly. I remember grabbing the post of the bed and trying to relax my hand.
My parents got home around 8 p.m. and brought me some food. I was famished. I was lying in bed, eating fish and veggies and talking to mom about how to get things going. She suggested (from my friend Shelia) that I use a wooded rocking chair. She said she rocked on the rocking chair to break her waters. I was basically telling my mom how ridiculous that was when I felt a POP. “Eeewww, gross!” Was my first words. My water had broken! No way!!! Needless to say, my fish and veggies were long forgotten. I cleaned up and began pacing around the living room. I was walking in a circle, praying. I asked the Lord to keep us safe and to give me the strength to accomplish this birth. At that moment, I felt the baby turning. It was an unusual sensation, but I knew exactly what it was…he had turned into a good LOA position! Almost immediately my contractions kicked into high gear. From that time on I remember little…I got into the warm water of the birthing pool….candles….soft music…calling Claudia…Josiah’s soft voice. I labored in the pool for about 3 hours, but it seemed like minutes. I began to push at about 11 p.m. on the 16th of July. My friend Karen had come over to videotape, so she captured some good contractions on tape. I look like a blow up doll floating in a kiddie pool.
I pushed with all my might. I liked pushing. It did not hurt nearly as much, and I got a long break in between contractions. I was able to converse with those around me and enjoy this part of the birth. I did sleep some in between pushes, and that was nice. Josiah was sitting behind me helping to support me in the water, so I could lean back onto his shoulder. I pushed for 1 ½ hours. I remember feeling his head being born and letting out this long yell/scream/grunt sound. I was letting out all that tensions, all that effort, all that determination and I was birthing my baby…against the odds.
Ethan Chandler Flamm was born at 12:35 a.m. on July the 17th after 44 hours of labor….and he was a bit bigger than the 7-pound limit I was given by the OB. He weighed in at 10 pounds even and 22 ¾ inches long. Despite the Raman noodles and lack of food, I had grown a fairly large toddler in there. :)
He was beautiful. He was everything I had hoped and prayed for. I loved giving birth and I felt so powerful, strong and accomplished. Even though during the labor (at times) I cried like a baby, I am so glad I was able to purservere and have a natural birth at home. I would have, FOR SURE, had a C-section if I were having a hospital birth. At 2 weeks overdue with a big baby and in labor for so long….you betcha. But Claudia had the wisdom to know that I was fine and the encouragement to tell me that I could do it. I now know that it is not just a select few moms that can have a natural birth…any mom can with the right support and encouragement.
My little Ethan is 9 years old today. We will watch his birth video and laugh at this crazy, determined mom during labor.
He is a blessing…a reward straight from God. The Lord answered our prayers for a healthy baby and birth…and He has given our family a wonderful son to teach to glorify God in all that he does.
