Drama Drama Drama

Okay. So I had a filling come out of a tooth....over a year ago. Understand, now, that I am a W-I-M-P when it comes to dentistry, and will wait as long as humanly possible before I succumb to a dentist office....even if there is pain in the tooth....even if I need to eat all food on one side of my mouth...even if it means no cold/hot foods. Given this background, you can see why I waited so long to have the tooth looked at. (that, and I have no dental insurance...and the doc is going to make his Hummer payment off my visit).
The appointment was yesterday at 3 p.m. I got there and completed the paperwork and waited in the waiting room for the calling of my name and the torture to begin. Now....how come when you WANT to see a doctor you have to wait for EVER in the waiting room (getting mad at the lady who came in after you and got called before you) but when you are dreading the call, it comes in moments? The nurse took me back to the OPEN room (the are all open and connected to each other....which means the poor other clients in there will hear my muffled screams) and went over my paperwork. She saw the fact that I wrote, in detail, how terrified I am of the dentist and how long it had been since I had been to the dentist (many years) and why it had been so long (fear, pain, agony). I think she got a kick out of talking to me about my previous dental torture experience, but nonetheless, she was kind enough to pass this along to the doc. Speak of the devil, in he came. Nice guy...younger (uumm....HOW many times have you done this?!)...wife, 2 kids (he is distracting me now...)...went to school in Texas...his mothers maiden name (okay, not that bad....but you get the idea). He shows me my xrays and tells me the cavity is VERY close to my nerve and he will just have to see how it goes when he is "in there". Great. He discussed my extreme fear of dental work and assures me he will be gentle and slow with the whole procedure. He gives me a hand signal to do if I am in pain and want him to stop the drilling. "Hand signal?" I say, quite sarcastically. "I just plan to slap you if it hurts". Nervous laugh (on his part)...he knows I am not kidding.
Time for the shots. Oh...I want the drugs, but not the shots! He tells me to take slow deep breaths while he gives the shots and I will be fine. Slow, deep breaths? Ya mean like labor? Okay! I can do that! As I look back now, I can see/hear the dental assistant laughing....why? I wonder? Maybe because while he was doing the shots I had my eyes closed (labor like) and was belly breathing like a maniac. It was probably loud, to. Great. Now they REALLY think I am a nut case. When he is done with the shots and I am beginning to get a little more comfortable, the assistant decides it is time to wash out the tooth to "prep" it for the filling. Cold water rushes into my cavernous tooth....right onto that nerve that is exposed by the cavity. Enter, my first scream. Poor lady about jumps out of her chair. The doc says, "Ummmm, perhaps we should let that stuff sit a minute till you are more numb". Yeah. DUH.
5 minutes later, after I have had plenty of time to rehearse the worst case scenario in vivid detail, they return to start the procedure. Things are pretty calm throughout...except for the fact that I did bite him at one point... he does not hit the nerve with the drill (my greatest fear, really) and he fills the tooth with relative ease. He must have done this before, I observe.
Interesting side note.....why do dentists TALK to you and ask questions, as if you can respond? Any attempt to respond on my part sounded much like, "Hkjfiu jhefoiwer jkrwtoqiqopif" and included a lot of spit.
Anyway.....
It is over. I am still alive and well (sort of...) and I actually THANK him for his time/expertise (am I insane? well, yes, that has been previously demonstrated). I make some lame comment about the most painful part of the whole thing is now upon me....paying for it...and he again does the nervous laugh...like I am going to exit without leaving his Hummer payment. I DO pay and leave with an entire half of my face completely numb and...hanging in a weird way. Lack of muscle tone REALLY is freaky.
Fast forward a few hours. I have laid on the couch for the remainder of the day, being waited on hand and foot (and mouth) by my darling hubby and sweet boys (who kept asking, "Mom, what is WRONG with you?"). Around 8 pm (after American Idol, of course) I drag myself off the couch so I can make a brief appearance at my friend Tiff's house for a jewelry party. I warn her that I am STILL completely numb and talking...funny... but she assures me I am fine and should still come (I think she was hoping the drugs have interfered with my will power and I will purchase many many things from her). I drive to her home and meet several other ladies there. I do explain that there is a reason I can only smile with half my face and cannot pronounce words with any sort of clarity....and I also begin to wonder just how much drug that doc put in the shots....for now it is 9 pm and my lip still feels like it is hanging on the floor. I look at the beautiful, expensive jewelry...decide that after making a Hummer payment today I cannot afford anything...and spot a beautiful little newborn baby girl that I must hold. (I am also having baby fever, so any tiny baby gets my attention). She is 3 weeks old and named Noel. Her mom gladly and generously allows me to hold her so she can shop the jewelry. I am talking and laughing with Noel's mom, looking like a dork but having a good time...when I realize that I am parched and must have some water. After taking a swig I pull the cup away from my lips...and basically drool/spit all over this tiny, innocent newborn baby. With her mom looking right at me. And the rest of the ladies looking right at me. With the hostess looking right at me spitting on this baby and it dribbling down onto her floor. Oh....the mortification that I endure. The humiliation I suffer. The word embarrassment just does not do this moment justice. It is a moment that should live forever in the sands of time...slowly replaying itself so the poor soul can relive the horror in slow motion.
Everyone is sweet..."it is okay" is whispered by the new mom. Thankfully it was her 2nd baby....had Noel been her first you can imagine what the poor child would have had to endure...being sterilized from head to toes, etc. I decide....it is SO time for me to go home.