What does it mean to be a mother? Says who? Nothing like a pedicure to bring out the big questions in life! Kinda odd to think, but as I sit there getting pampered and reading a Hollywood gossip magazine, I question…what does it mean to be a mom?
In contemplating the role of mommyhood, I find many different answers to the question of being a mom, and what that entails. Instead of asking friends, neighbors or watching Oprah to see what she thinks (or the other "experts" on that subject) I find that the only reliable place to get information will have to be something that never changes. Something that is truth. Something not moved by current trends or popular opinion. The Bible. "The word of God is alive and active...." It is relevent for today, just like it has been for over 2000 years. It doesn't change just becasue society has. It doesn't need to be put into a different package to "appeal" to those of this generation. It does not need to be softened so not to offend. It is truth. And truth is truth no matter what is going on around it. If we did not have truth, then what would we teach our children? ("Well, for now people think we ought to do this, but that can always change") What hope would they have in the future if there is nothing that is grounded forever? If things change, then what does it matter how they are raised? If morals can change, then it is really just up to interpitation, right? That is what society would like us to buy in to.
Basically, people are selfish. They want what they want, when they want it and how they want it. And if something (God's word) or someone (Jesus) is going to tell them they cannot do such-and-such...well then, we just have to figure out a way to do it anyway!! Hence the very popular "self" craze. Self esteem ("I am a good person!") self reliance ("Pulled myself up by my own bootstraps!!") self improvement ("If I can make myself better, then I would happier") self fullfilment ("If I accomplish this, then things would be better. I would feel better about MYSELF") self assurance ("I can do this!!") self satisfaction (as if you can possibly ever be satisfied by self). SELF. ME. I. MYSELF. The whole "the world revolves around me" attitude has infiltrated society as a whole, not only parenting. Hence the amount of parents who rarely see their children. Busy with work, school, careers, church, friends etc, they only want to do what they want to do. Even if it is labeled as "good"; is it? Says who? Let's get to what the Bible says about self, motherhood, and our responce to the flesh within us that yearns for the self fullfilment.
Here are some verses that speak to selfishness:
Ephesians 2:1-3 says
“And you He has made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins. In which you once walked according to the course of this world……vs. 3 “Among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others.”
So what’s going on here in this verse? We were all once totally wrapped up in ourselves. All we wanted to do was fulfill the lust of our flesh. We wanted what we wanted. I only thought of ME. I. SELF. We were “dead in our sin.” Dead. (example of dead: not alive. Not able to move, breath, think, feel, decide…not able to do anything. I think you all know what dead means!) Dead. So what happened? “HE made us alive.” He started our heart to beat for Him instead of ME. He was the one who initiated our resurrection from
sin, death and self to being alive in Him. Why????? Did I deserve it? Is there some measure of good in me that desired God? Was I “seeking” Him? Well, to answer that, let’s take a *small rabbit trail* to Psalm 14:1-3 “The fool has said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is NONE who does good. The Lord looks down from heaven upon the children of men to see if there are any who understand, who seek God. They have ALL turned aside, they have together become corrupt, and there is NONE that does good, No, not one.” Psalms 10:4 “The wicked in his PROUD countenance does NOT SEEK GOD, God is in NONE of his thoughts.”
So we are established that we do not seek God, we do not think of God, and we are dead in our sin before the Lord saves us. *end rabbit trail*
So if we are not at all interested in God, then why in the world did He chose to make us alive in Him? Why would He do that? If we hated Him, then why did He love us so? Let’s answer that with the continuation of Ephesians 1:4-10
“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in sin, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus. That in ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness towards us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them”
God had mercy on this filthy sinner (me) because He loved me, and prepared beforehand (before time began) to show His love and mercy to me. It was not something I did or could have done. It was not by my good works or any goodness in me (we already established that is not possible) but because of Him. His love. His mercy. His glory.
So what happens to the self I lived for and have since died to? If I have indeed died to self, by God’s grace, then where is it? It is gone. Self denial is now the buzzword in scripture for those God has saved. Self-denial is necessary in following Christ. We are to put others first. OTHERS. Seems odd considering the previous words that are so popular today. (self esteem, self-fulfillment, self-reliance, self-improvement etc.) In Philippians 2:3-4 we read “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or empty conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others”
1 Corinthians 10:24 “Let no one seek his own, but each one the others well being.”
Now that we have been made alive in through Jesus, we are to put off our old self and put others first. So if we do not love ourselves, whom do we love? Let me show you!
Matthew 22:36-39 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment? Jesus answered him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment, and the second is like unto it: You shall love your neighbor as you love yourself.”
I am to love God with all my being, all my soul, with all my thoughts. If I do this, then the following commandment will be implemented…love your neighbor as you love yourself. Who is my neighbor? Everyone around me. Everyone I come into contact with. My friends. My family.
My family? My husband? My children? Yes, as the most important people in our lives.
Titus 2:3-5 “The older women be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things-that they teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
To love my husband….this term denotes that this is unconditional. It is based on God’s will, not on the husband being worthy of it. No matter what.
Homemaker. Having a Godly home and giving up yourself for your husband and children is the Christian mom’s God given responsibility. It is non-negotiable. Why? So I do not bring shame to the name of the Lord. If I claim to be a Christian, and yet I do not follow God’s word and His commands for how I should treat others, I bring reproach to scripture. I am mocking God and His truths by my sinful, selfish behavior. This is extremely important in the mothering process!! By saying I am a Christian and then living like the world, as if I was not saved from myself, then I am blaspheming God’s word and causing others to stumble. How then are my children going to see the love of Christ? If all I love is myself, like before, and yet I talk about things of God, then what will the kids think? That Godliness is just talk. A show. Something to do for popularity, fun, socially, and to feel better about ones self.
*small rabbit trail*(there is that word again…self!!! Which also brings great question as to the authenticity of my salvation. If I say I am saved, and yet my mid-set and my actions display a love for self, what does that mean? Matthew 7:16-18 “You will know them by their fruits…..vs17 “A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.”
What is this “fruit?” Galatians 5:22-23 “The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”
If I have habitual sin in my life, and I do not display these fruits to others, especially of my own family, then I would do good to lay my soul bare before the Lord and see if His spirit bears witness to my spirit to prove my salvation. This is such a blessing! We can rest assured in our eternal salvation by the fruit we produce. Good or bad.) *end rabbit trail*
Here is where we are: Am I showing God’s love (by displaying these fruits) to my husband and children? Or am I wrapped up in my job, my social life, my friends, my free time, and myself… ME. What I want to do. When I want to do it. (and who can keep my kids while I do it?) What will make me “happy?” Fulfilled? Successful? What am I chasing after instead of being still and doing what the Lord told me to do?
Hard questions, but they are vital to ask.
Am I a “keeper of the home?” Am I instilling within my children a respect for the Lord and His commands by being a living example? Teaching them to love others and think more highly of others than they think of themselves is hard…impossible if I am doing the complete opposite by chasing after ME.
Am I responding to them in a Godly manner? Am I yelling at them because they are causing me more work, heartache, and distraction from what I want to be doing? They are just bugging me and keeping me from…ME.
Am I putting my expectations of being a “happy” person on my children? If I am not happy, is it their fault? What is happy?
Do I want to hand off the responsibility of training them, teaching them, spending time with them…to someone else? So I can do what I want to do?
Why do I feel guilty when I do what the world says I should do….chase ME? My work. My friends. My career. My idea of the “American dream.” Guilt should not be there! I am entitled to this!!!! (That is just another lie from satan.)
Do I find myself using “fillers” during the day? TV. Videos. Video games. Instead of spending time with my children, I am trying to get away from them….to do what I want to do?
Is my house cleaning more important than my kids? (if a house is too clean, you can bet it is taking up too much of your time. It is just not that important).
I ask myself these questions daily. It seems that way to often I am confessing before the Lord my sin of selfishness. I am just to easily caught up in the worlds system of thinking. I need to spend more time “renewing my mind” instead of trying to renew myself and recapture that part of me I am told I am losing.
Am I willing to give up myself for my family?
It does not matter what I want to do…or am willing to do. It is what God said to do. Give up my ambitions, my desires, my time, and my energy, my SELF. Satan is trying to corrupt the minds of Christian mothers by the lie of their self. If he can get us thinking about ME, then he has free reign on our children. We will be to busy with what we want to accomplish to see what he is accomplishing in our kids. Ouch. We will be to interested in getting them away for a while instead of redeeming the time we have with them. We only have a little time!! Our life is as a vapor!! What are we spending our time on? Temporal things or eternal things? The time we have with our children is NOW. Today. We are never promised tomorrow. Each breath is a gift from the Lord!! Use that breath to accomplish what God has commanded us to accomplish!
I write this because these are things I face everyday. It is a daily struggle to put others first. However, the rewards are endless!! Better than any job, friend, or successful business could ever be…as we see in Proverbs 31:27-31
“She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her saying, ‘Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.’ Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.”
WOW!!! What an awesome thing to have your husband and kids called you blessed.
If you are wondering just what is your role as Mommy will entail, read the chapter of Proverbs 31. In detail it explains the role of wife and Mother commanded by our Lord.
Sorry to be so long winded. I am just trying to put into words what I am up against everyday, and I know many other moms are struggling with it as well. I thank the Lord for my family, my husband, children and all He has given me. I am so undeserving of His blessings!! May the Lord grant me the fruit in keeping with repentance.
So here is my sweet Tarin-Bo-Barin. He came in my room today and said he was ready for the snow!!! (we had just been admiring the snow-capped peaks of the mountains from his window). He has on his sweatpants, snow boots, snow hat and snow gloves. I guess he didn't care about having a snow coat on. Or the fact that is was 75 degrees outside.
