This is a nice article that talks about what moms are not told about childbirth.
http://www.alternet.org/story/65608/?page=1
So..........here is my question.
Since I have been thinking about my birth and all the other births I have done as a doula/apprentice.
Since I read the blog (below) about a mom who was abused by her doctor during her birth.
Since I have personally seen doctors and nurses abuse moms in labor.
If a women makes the choice to have a scheduled c-section...
If a mom makes the choice to have a medicalized birth...
If a mom makes the choice to be induced for no medical reason...
...she is not looked down upon by the medical profession. She is making her own choice (based on informed consent...which is a whole 'nother post) about how she wants to give birth to her own child. She should be able to decided if she wants an epidural...if she wants pitocin...if she wants to just get it over with and have a c-section...RIGHT?
Well...............................what about the mom who wants to make the choice to have a natural, intervention free birth? Is she touted as educated and in control of her body and her choices by the medical profession...or is she degraded, told she is crazy, patronized and labeled? (for those who do not know...it is the latter)
Why is this mom not as supported and encouraged for her choices just like the other moms would be about their choices? Why does the mom who wants an evidence-based birth have to fight, argue and endure all sorts of crap because of it?
Ladies and gentlemen...that is my question.
And I am not just ranting...I have been to some awful births in the hospital where moms are yelled at, threatened and forced to do things they did not want to do...all because they wanted a natural birth. All because they wanted to hold their baby immediately at the moment of birth. All because they wanted to nurse right away. All because they want to have a safe birth as defined by scientific studies, research and evidenced based practices...not as defined by the doctors or insurance companies.
I went to a birth in Ga. as a doula a few years back...with a "supportive" midwife. She "encouraged" mom in her quest for a natural birth. It was a nightmare. The mom had PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) for months afterwards. In my opinion, this mom was raped by a person in a trust position (her "medwife"). It was terrible.
I did a birth in Ga a few years back where mom was yelled at, cursed at and forced to lay in bed...forced to have pitocin...and ultimately forced into a c-section. We later found out she was lied to about her progress and the condition of the baby because the doc was mad at her and wanted her to be sectioned. (we read all about it in her medical charts)
Another birth...here in Co. A mom wanted a VBAC. (vaginal birth after c-section) The docs said she could "try"...so she labored at home for many hours. We got to the hospital and she was 5 cm and in active labor. They forced her to stay in bed...and she downright refused to have an internal fetal monitor (you know that they are little screws forced into the baby's head, right?). The docs were mad at her. The nurses were "Setting up the OR" for her (I overheard them talking about the mom in the hall). This mom labored on...very well. The docs came in to "talk to her" about a c-section as the mom began feeling like she needed to push. She decided to just push (you really cannot help it anyway) and the baby FLEW out onto the bed...first push. The docs freaked. They got mad. They basically raped her after her birth by stitching her up with no lidocaine because "you wanted to go natural..."
All this (and there are many more) I have seen over the past 10 years...without things getting any better. All this I have seen intertwined with beautiful births at home...no interference, no abuse, no yelling, no PTSD, no rapes. Yes, some births at home end up in the hospital, but those moms are still treated better than if they had started out at the hospital.
A homebirth is just another world.
It is respect. Encouragement. Trust. Comfort. Relaxing. Support. Evidence based. Safe. Secure. Loving. Quiet. It smells good...like home. Low lights. Only close loved ones (that are handpicked by mom) are there. Your own food. Your own bed. Your own sheets. Your baby...for unlimited amounts of time. Your shower. Your tub. Rest. JOY. Peace. Those great love hormones that hit you the nanosecond the baby is born...aawww. (unhindered by pitocin and an epidural) Sleep. Nursing. Snuggling. Gazing. Kissing. All about me. :)
It is just another world......
http://mamasmotives.blogspot.com/
So this blog is written by a mom who had her 3rd baby at the hospital in August and was verbally and physically abused by the doc on call. She is not just letting it go...she is fighting back...good for her! Scroll down to read her story and her dealings with the hospital/practice after writing a letter of complaint. Like they even care....
Yesterday (Saturday) it was 78 degrees outside. The kids had on shorts and sandals and we ran the air conditioner.
We awoke this morning to the kids yelling, "It's snowing"!!!!!!! and sure enough, it was snowing pretty hard. It snowed about 4-6 inches and, being the first snow of the year, the kids were SO excited to go out and play in it!
I think this is a cool picture....the snow-white trees and behind them you can still see the red leaves of fall.
The kids and their friends were having a snowball fight with Josiah...running in between the cars trying to "get" each other....
....and Josiah GOT Ethan pretty good! Notice little Maddie kneeling down to avoid the onslaught :)
Lily in the snow....she LOVES it.
Tarin Tarin Bo-Barin
Pres-Pres
I have to brag a little on my oldest son........he is shoveling the driveway of a single mom down the street. He hoped she would not see him and she would just be surprised that someone shoveled for her :)
He calls her "a by-herself mom" and says that she needs extra help from us. How true...and what a good boy to think of that!!!
Apparently the whole country is aghast at the newest figures to emerge from the CDC.... the number of MOTHERS dying during childbirth have RISEN. Well for the love of Pete people, what do you expect? We already have one of the highest infant death rates in the world...the second highest of ALL developed countries...so why are we shocked? Because we are so "safe" here giving birth? Cause we have the highest trained doctors in the entire world? Because a doctor would NEVER do something that would hurt a mom or baby?
Whatever.
To believe all that then a person is just in denial and living in fear.
The number of moms having c-sections is steadily rising every year...and a section means a mom is 3 times more likely to die during the birth or right after...so put that together and you have the answer. To many cesarean sections. And since the number of babies surviving birth has NOT gotten better...they are still premature and dying at a higher rate than in 25 other countries...and since moms are now more likely to die than in the past 50 years....OBVIOUSLY these c-sections are medically unnecessary and causing harm and even death to moms and babies.
See this article in the LATimes:
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-block24sep24,0,6378847.story?coll=la-opinion-rightrail
So what in the heckfire has to happen for moms to STOP the madness????????????? How bad does it all have to get? How many more moms and babies have to needlessly die before women stand up and say NO to their doctors? Until moms realize that the OBs "standard of care" is killing our children and us? That hospital and medicalized birth is NOT safe and NOT proven healthy and NOT the best way to give birth to a child?
Do you realize that if we had the same infant mortality as Cuba (that little country near Florida) that 2,200 more babies would LIVE each year here in the USA?????? They have a better outcome for their newborns than we do. It's a fact people. Look it up.
So how do we stop the epidemic of needless major abdominal surgery to give birth?
*sigh*
Another post for another day :)
Two Different Versions! Two Different Morals!
OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and
dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well
fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home
with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp
contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody Cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome."
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the
grasshopper's sake.
Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry
King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both
call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity &
Anti-Grasshopper Act Retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his
home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
Defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a
panel of Federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of
single-parent Welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the
last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just
happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and
the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who
terrorize the Once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote.
Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything.. What's worse,
everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job seven years ago, he hasn't even looked for a
new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot
the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to
like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed: Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. Good grief woman! You don't need him anymore!
You're a Senator from New York, running for President of the United
States. ..... Act like it!!
30 full weeks....or should I say....only 10 more weeks to go!!!!!!!!!!!!
And if all goes weird...and I have this baby early (ha...HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!) only 9 more weeks to go!!!! If I am lucky...and the trampoline jumping works, only 8 more weeks to go!!!!! And if I am really cutting it close with a homebirth....only 7 more weeks to go!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. Dare to dream.
Keep hope alive.
With my track record, I will be 2 or 3 weeks late. 
At the birth I did last week I was checking in at the nurses station and they asked if I was there for MY induction. Apparently I am just HUGE and look inducable. Ha.
www.itsmybodymybabymybirth.com/
I want to get this video! It looks really neat and a good way to educate moms on natural birth. Even the website has some great information on it.
Besides, I like the title :)
"Normal birth is something that a woman DOES, not something that happens to her". -Marsden Wagner, MD in his book, "Born in the USA"
I was a doula at a birth this past Tuesday. This was a sweet friend from my church having her 2nd baby. Her first birth was very disappointing for her and she wanted to do something very different this time. She planned for a natural birth in a hospital here known for low intervention and waterbirths. After much reading, childbirth classes, etc, she was still apprehensive about having no epidural...and wanted a natural birth, but was somewhat unsure about this choice. Her husband, although a great guy, was totally freaked out by this and could not understand why on earth any woman would want a natural birth. It was funny having him in class :) I enjoyed it greatly! I could not wait to hear his thoughts after the birth.
Tuesday afternoon, labor began. (no induction this time!!!!) She called and told me that contractions were sporadic and not to bad...she would take a shower then a nap. One hour later she called and in mid sentence threw the phone down (a contraction began) and I knew she should head into the hospital. (I found out later that she was basically lying naked in the floor of her room......a BIG sign that she should be at the hospital!!!!). I headed out during rush hour to the hospital....45 minutes away. Thankfully rush hour here is nothing...a joke really compared to Atlanta traffic.
I walked into her hospital room at about 6:18 p.m. and she was side-laying on the bed...pushing! WOW. That was fast! What I missed............she got to the hospital around 5:50 p.m. and was laboring on her hands and knees...8 cm. The midwife asked if she could break the bag of water to "speed things along"....thankfully the mom had enough sense to say no (gee wiz, how fast did the midwife want it to go?????). A minute later, her water broke on it's own and mom began to push.
I rushed in the room and helped support mom and dad....cold cloths on her forehead (I love those in labor) and helped her know the most effective way to push. (note: I do NOT like coached pushing. A mom knows what to do if she follows what her body is saying. "Purple pushing" is NOT good (those three long pushes with each contraction with someone counting to 10) and I hate it. However, in a hospital setting, if mom can "fake" like she is doing this then the nurses will usually leave her alone and let her do her own thing...so I try and guide mom enough to have everyone shut up and let her push)
So this mom began to do some really great pushes and the nurse hushed.
Several pushes later, there was a good amount of bright red blood loss.
This is not a comforting sign. The immediate concern is the placenta. Is it detaching early? If so, the baby must come out NOW. I have only seen this personally once at a birth...a homebirth...and the baby/mom were fine with no problems...just a few tense moments and a few grey hairs.
So what is this bleeding? The midwife was concerned and the nurse flipped mom on her back as to get baby's heart tones. (this will tell if it is placenta and if the baby is getting enough oxygen.) The baby sounded great....no decels. The bleeding stopped on it's own never to return. Mom did not like the flat on the back position (who would???) but the midwife did not want her to move. Thankfully the baby was about to crown so the birth was imminent.
This is when the midwife asked to do an episiotomy. She was concerned about he bleeding that had occurred. It had stopped, the baby was fine, but she wanted the baby out just in case. Mom had an epis with baby #1 and the scar tissue was taking a while to stretch and the midwife did not want to wait. She did ask the moms permission and told mom that they could wait a few more pushes and see what happens. Mom pushed a few more times and then gave permission for the cut to be made. Although I am against all forms of epis and there is Z-E-R-O scienentific evidence of it being useful AT ALL, I was pleased that the midwife gave the decision to mom and was willing to not to it. (typically they just do it without even saying anything) So this mom was able to take control of her own body and decide what she did and did not want. Better than most hospitals, let me tell ya! So the midwife did the epis...a very small one...definitely not a doctors cut! (the midwife came in later and apologized for having to do it...she has only done a few in all her years as a midwife....but she really wanted the baby out so she could assess the bleeding)
So the baby was born in the next two pushes...and mom reached down to help catch her new baby.
The joy at this point was contagious...even the nurses were excited :)
The family did not know the sex of the baby prior to the birth. They have a daughter and REALLY wanted another girl.
So as the baby lay on mom's chest mom asked, "What is it??? Is it a boy or a girl"????? The midwife said, "Well, Dad needs to look and see!" (I thought this was so nice. I HATE it when the staff announces....it is the parents baby, they should get the excitement of looking for themselves...personal opinion, of course!)
So Dad looked and said, "It's a girl....THANK THE LORD!!!!" It was hysterical. Them mom and dad both said, "Daisy! Hi Daisy!!!!" She looks like a Daisy...a little flower :)
The staff did not take the baby from mom till after about 2-3 hours after the birth. How nice is that? Mom got to bond and nurse for these hours before the baby was weighed, measured, foot printed, etc. Nice. Her first daughter was taken and she saw her about 4 hours AFTER she was born...for the first time...so it was so sweet for her to be able to have this baby continually...and they never took her from the room at all. She never left mom.
It was a nice birth. Even being a hospital birth...which I rarely do anymore due to emotional distress...it was nice. They did the typical hospital stuff...cut the cord right away...gave ridiculous nursing advise....kept the baby for jaundice...etc...but overall and compared to other hospital births I have done around here it went very well.
I did the postpartum visit yesterday at the parent’s home. The baby is simply adorable...I cannot wait for my own kid to come out! Mom is feeling great and was very pleased with the birth. She said she felt SO SO SO much better this time after the birth than with her first, and that although natural birth is hard, it is SO worth it.
I asked dad his thoughts..........remember, he was really terrified of the whole natural thing. His main comment was this, "Well, after the birth of our first baby, there was little joy. Mom did not even know the baby was out she was so drugged and she never got to hold her. After this birth, there was SUCH JOY. We were so happy. She worked so hard for this baby and she was able to control what happened during the birth...she has skill. The joy was just so great".
How cool is that?! And mom said that even though they did not plan to have any more babies, this whole experience makes her want to have another baby!!!! I hear this A LOT with moms and natural births....and I think it is so neat. Obviously doing what God made us to do can be extremely rewarding and although temporarily challenging, the overall effect is what God intended birth to be.... Joyful :)
SO...............I have decided to have a baby :)
another fabulous montage about giving birth :)
there IS some nudity.
Enjoy!!! It is so sweet :) I cannot wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://sagefemme.blogspot.com/2007/09/homebirth-montage.html
I just finished reading two books about birthing in the United States.
"Born in the USA" written by a DOCTOR and perinatologist who works with the World Health Organization. He exposes SO MUCH about the US maternity system and it is really shocking. I knew a bunch of it, but he really goes into the "behind the scenes" with doctors and hospitals...seeing as how he knows first hand. He also testifies in a ton of court cases involving birth outcomes and the doctors who are responsible for them.
Very interesting book.
"Pushed" written by a lady after doing much research on birth and being appalled at the current state of things. She went to numerous births to see first hand how things go. A very typical hospital birth (epidural, etc), a scheduled C-section, and a homebirth.
Interesting....yet again :)
I wish every mom would read these books and others of there kind so the moms can make a truly informed choice on what they want for there birth. Moms just do not know. The fear drives them, not the reality.
Everyone is against drug use, right? To hear that a kid is "on drugs" makes everyone sad.
Well, one would think.
What about the speed-like substance that 5 million kids take every morning before school? Drugs like Ritalin and others that "control" kids with ADD/ADHD. I am really REALLY upset about this whole thing. I have always had a personal opinion about the whole thing but only recently did I start to research it....I figured I should have something to back up my opinions. After having a friend whose son is "ADHD" and other friends mention it I decided I should probably see what the fuss is about.
What I found was this:
Me, my husband and all my kids have ADD/ADHD.
Everyone I know has ADD/ADHD.
If you take the tests online....look at all the symptoms...read about making a diagnosis....we ALL HAVE IT. Every person to some extent has some trait of this "disease". So if we all have have symptoms and we all fall into the criteria to diagnose us with ADD/ADHD....then we should ALL be on meds, right? I mean, if we are to function as "normal" people in society and we are to fit into the "box" that has been established for us then we need help doing so...correct?
So what in the heckfire is going on here????????????
Do millions of kids and millions of adults really have it? Do millions of Americans really need to be on mind/mood/action altering drugs their entire lives? If they do NOT, then what is going on? (have I said that yet?) Could it be that someone is trying to control the minds of millions and millions of us with these drugs? Is someone is trying to control the thoughts and actions of us by telling us we NEED these drugs...our kids NEED to be on these drugs for life (they have no other long term solution than drugs...forever)? Or is it that we as Americans have such a low view of kids and family that anything that bothers us and keeps us from doing what we want much be controlled...no matter what? If the kid is being loud, talking out of turn and cannot sit still in his desk (for hours and hours and hours on end) than he is bothering the rest of us and we need to control him. Where is the speed? Oh wait, that is illegal. How about some legal speed? Amphetamines sound great...here hon, take this. You will feel better.
Well, now I am mad. And I have really only began the research into this whole issue. I know families and have read about programs that have cured kids with "ADD/ADHD" by simple things like changing their diet, having more one on one time with the parents, (duh) and by eliminating vaccines (another reason to research what you shoot into your children). Many kids have sensitive systems and are allergic to foods that moms and dads do not know about...and this can cause erratic behavior and "symptoms" of ADD/ADHD. When these foods are taken from their diet then the child is a different person. So why not try this? What are we turning to major drugs instead of diet changes and time with the family? Because mom has to go to work and dad has to go to work and the kids cannot take more than a certain allotted time from them.
Oh....can I go on all day?! Nope...I gotta go eat some lunch and play with my Presley.
Watch the video below (It is WAY long so I watched it over several days in 5 minutes increments) and read what people are saying....the video has both opinions on the subject so you can see what the popular opinion is and what the "system buckers" say as well.
In conclusion...we have a drug for everything. Childbirth is annoying, so let's drug that. The baby is crying so let's give him Tylenol to make him sleep. I feel sick so let's drug my body. My kid is active so let's drug him. My life is not what I want so let's take a drug so I will not care. I do not want to eat healthy so my body is falling apart...oh wait! I can take a drug for that!
So why am I surprised??????
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2007/09/20/the-tragic-consequences-of-drugging-our-children.aspx
Okay....as if you have not already noticed, I am really on a birth kick.
Perhaps it is the fact that I am preparing to give birth myself...or maybe I am just whacked :)
Below is a link to a birth in France. It is quite short but really cool. A mom birthing in a hospital, but not like here in the USA. Notice her completely intact perineum because there was ZERO pulling on the poor kid and no shouts of "1..2...3...4..5.." with forced pushing. And Daddy gets to catch...with moms help, of course!!!!
*******there IS nudity*********
but not to bad and the birth is just to good to pass up.
How birth should be...and IS for many of us moms!!!!!!! :)
http://www.themidwife.net/index_files/Page340.htm
Is it just me...or does all of America think that Hitlery Clinton is INSANE??????
Have you read about her "health care" plan?
Scary.
Yikes.
Seriously...we (anyone against socialism) must not allow her to be elected!!!
There are numerous articles coming out daily that question the current trend in obstetrics....inductions and c-sections, to be specific. More moms dying from their sections...needlessly. Did you know that the maternal death rate is RISING in the USA???? Experts say it is from the skyrocketing c-section rate.
More moms are seeing that what they experienced was unnecessary...and are speaking out about it...and choosing alternative options. Having a 30+ percent change of having major abdominal surgery to give birth is just too risky (hospital)...so many moms are having homebirths where their chance of a section is 3-4%.
Two articles below talk about current OB trends and another mom that left her daughter, son and husband when she died giving birth by c-section.... and a real letter from an angry mom (to her hospital based midwife..."med-wife" as I like to call them) at what she experienced during her birth...and how she overcame it. I did edit some choice words although I do not blame her for the strong language. I got this letter from my ICAN messages (International Cesarean Awareness Network)...a great organization helping moms overcome their experiences and go on to have vaginal births.
http://www.canada.com/ottawacitizen/news/arts/story.html?id=428f0c90-dc95-4ecc-b95f-89e962a5a9e8
http://timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=620338&category=REGIONOTHER&BCCode=LOCAL&newsdate=9/8/2007
Five years ago you made me go to a grotty downtown hospital in Los Angeles for an induction because you were too scared of "big babies." Even though I was a VBAC-- even though you'd promised me the vaginal birth of my dreams in your "famous" birth center-- you signed me up for the drawn-out inhumane torture that is an induced labor. You stalked into the waiting room, barely looking at me, and barked, "Let's get this over with." You dehumanized me -- you insisted that I change out of my passionately red shirt, the one that made me feel powerful, into the rough hospital johnny. You lied to me-- with a smile on your face. You told me, "You're already effacing and dilating -- you just need a whisper of pit, and you'll shoot that kid right out." According to my labor records, I was induced on a markedly unfavorable cervix.
Then you vanished-- one of the very few things I have to thank you for, in fact; I don't think I could have lasted as long as I did with your particular brand of "encouragement." Seventeen hours I labored-- not long, in the grand scheme of things; I've heard of much longer labors-- but they tethered me to the bed, they wouldn't let me up even to pee (which you had promised I would be able to do!)-- they expected me to use the stinking bedpan! They cranked pitocin into me at appalling rates. They broke my water at 2 cm in order to place a stupid internal monitor-- they let a resident do it; he hung it up in my cervix the first time, then placed it wrong in my poor baby's scalp the second time. Third time's the charm, I guess; by then I had that line, my IV, a Foley catheter, an external monitor, a tocometer, a blood pressure cuff, and another wire or lead or some such I've never been able to adequately identify.
At 5 or so you popped back in, all cheery and grinning. You made me lay on my side-- I didn't want to, it felt so wrong!-- and you checked me-- I didn't want you touching me! But you groped around anyway, where two nurses,
a resident, and an intern had been intruding all stinking day-- then you stood up, stripped off your gloves (spattering my face with lubricant jelly, by the by), and announced, "Well, Jennifer, I don't think I'm going to be able to stay for this one." Pat pat. "You'll be fine." And you were gone.
You disappeared, leaving me to an unknown physician-- not even the one you'd paraded in front of me that morning, the one who wished me "happy laboring and I hope I don't see you again." No, this one was a Reproductive
Endocrinologist-- I have no idea what his name was, something long and hard to pronounce; all I remember is seeing his specialty embroidered in red on his stark white coat. He stormed in, aghast that I was a VBAC and had been
laboring-- gasp!-- twelve hours. He lectured me on the dangers I was incurring; he demanded of the nurses, "Is her pelvis adequate? Will she accept an epidural?" Then he checked me-- take a number!-- and pronounced me
"a bare five." He informed me that IF I got an epidural and IF I made progress over the next two hours, he would let me continue. If not, he would section me stat.
Did you know what you left me to, you who claim to be "with women"? Was your dinner relaxed and enjoyable? I didn't get dinner; I wasn't permitted to eat from midnight that Friday morning until THE NEXT TUESDAY. Is it any wonder I
had nothing left to be able to defend myself?
The CRNA who came to place my epidural was cold and hard. She threw my poor husband out and proceeded to torment me with two epidural sticks. The first missed altogether; the second buzzed and ached like I was being
electrocuted. I was terrified that she would do it again, so I lied and said yes, it was fine, thanks. In truth I had complete sensation on my right side-- the left was numb, and now all those horrible pitocin-fueled contractions ended abruptly at my umbilicus.
But I kept laboring. I have this feeling that you believed-- hoped-- I would crack and ask for a section. Anything to make you feel satisfied, justified in your cruelty! If I have one moment's pride remembering that day, it's that I didn't cave-- I fought on, labored to complete and pushed-- and pushed--
It didn't happen, of course. Tied down, drugged up, abandoned by my "care provider"-- how could it? Without freedom of movement, my baby couldn't negotiate my pelvis. He got his head crooked, just a little, and kept banging his little forehead repeatedly on my pubic bone. A couple of decels-- after a few minutes' false hope, in which my nurse thought I would deliver and set up the room for a vaginal birth-- and people were shouting, my doula bailed on me, and I was being wheeling into the OR, my heart shattered into a million pieces.
I was so afraid, you see. Not of the delivery-- not that my baby might be in danger-- but of the pain. I could still feel. They were going to cut me, and I could still feel it!
The CRNA didn't believe me-- she assured me, "We'll just top off your epidural." I was pleading for general anesthesia, crying and begging. Exasperated, she turned to the RE-cum-butcher and said flatly, "She wants to be put out." He refused and repeated the "topping off" line. Thankfully, someone was listening -- when the CRNA went to add medicine to my line, the epidural catheter fell out completely. I got my wish -- one of them, anyway -- a black rubber mask came down, and I was gone.
Eventually, of course, I had to wake up. Do you know -- do you even care? -- how hard that was? How can I explain the profound disappointment at opening my eyes when I wanted to die?
"You're being stupid, melodramatic." I imagine that's what you're thinking -- from your perspective, no doubt you're right. I'm just another mom who labored and failed. Another day in L&D. What difference does it make to you? You got rid of me before I could impact your precious statistics-- so you could tell the next VBAC hopeful who came to you, "Oh, yes, we do VBAC, with a 100% success rate. VBAC doesn't faze me at all."
Five years. Five years, N. You still haunt my dreams sometimes-- you and that nameless RE. You abandoned me and consoled yourself with platitudes about it being my fault, I didn't tell you I had a history of "big babies"! You threatened me with a dead baby, you coerced me into a 40-week ultrasound, then risked me out and demanded that I submit to induction. Because of you, I have no memory of my baby's first days-- I have no recollection of him at all between one hazy moment in the recovery room and staggering out of my wheelchair at discharge to install his carseat. I do remember my incision opening up on one side-- I won't forget the panicked run to an ER to find out if I would require further surgery, or the six weeks of drainage and pain that seemed to last for months. I don't remember
my baby's first 6 months, I was so mired in depression and post-traumatic stress-- flashbacks, nightmares, sweating panics-- the shame of having to ask a doctor for medication so I could function.
You didn't only take my birth, though. I lost more than my son's infancy. For a long time, I lost myself. I had no faith in anything; I felt like I was alone and screaming in the wilderness. I could no longer trust any medical person or birth professional. Midwives and doulas became the enemy. I had always wanted a large family-- now I couldn't contemplate another pregnancy if it meant another stinking surgery.
For two years I seethed and boiled, full of rage and pain. I inflicted my agony on the wise, patient, compassionate women of ICAN, who listened to me and assured me I wasn't alone. I had my mettle tested; the fire burned away the slag and left cold iron determination. I would never, never permit someone like you to come near me again.
I got pregnant again and made the conscious decision to avoid your ilk from the moment I knew I'd conceived. I cared for myself and my growing baby the way I wished you had cared for me before-- compassionately, with love. I
welcomed labor when it came at 41+ weeks. I spent those hours at home, quiet in the dark, singing my birth song. I roared my son out-- I birthed him into my own hands, on my feet-- not lying tied to a bed, whimpering, but drawing
on the power that is the birthright of every childbearing woman-- the right you and your colleagues deny us every single day.
I did what you told me I could not: I gave birth, after not one but now two cesarean surgeries, to a baby you would classify as big. He was ten pounds, five ounces-- the same size as his older brother, the one you insisted would
die or have to be cut out. That should be enough-- I was elated, and still am, when I look back on his birth. But I'm still angry -- angrier than ever.
Because I know now. I know what could have been, even in that cold, dirty hospital. I know what you stole from me. I will never forget... and I hope, N, that you won't, either.
yours in triumph and righteous anger,
Jennifer
There is a really neat movie that was produced by Ricki Lake that is all about birth in America. (Ricki had a hospital birth and then a homebirth...and the homebirth changed everything for her!)
Anyway, it is being shown in select cities around the nation...and it has made it to Atlanta for a November showing! So all you ladies in Atlanta....GO TO THE SHOW. To read about the movie click on the link below and read about it. The site below is a site of a friend of mine (doula and childbirth educator) in Atlanta that is kinda sponsoring the movie. This site will tell you how to get tickets.
Even if you are not in Atlanta, read about this movie because it will be coming to a city near you soon. It will be amazing!
http://www.babystepsonline.net/BoBB.htm
I went to Texas with my mom, Tarin and Presley to be at Noelle's birth. She was "due" on September 6th...and has been late with her other babies. However, God had something else in mind this timme....an early baby and a fast labor!!
Here are some of the photos from the trip and of the birth. Not to worry...very modest :)
Thursday before the birth...at the chiropractors getting adjusted. Look at that beautiful belly!!!! Noelle carried this baby so differently than the girls...it must be a boy...
Friday before the birth...at the lake. My kids were not to certain about swimming in lake water (they are so spoiled) but they had fun nonetheless.
Once Tarin got used to it he had a great time!
Noelle at the lake. She swam and we layed on floats for hours....it was nice....except for the dirty lake water. I am so spoiled.
We hung out on Saturday evening and I stopped by on Sunday evening and Noelle was fine. We went to a movie (Nanny Diaries...not my favorite), ate and just hung out.
On Monday morning about 5 a.m. Noelle called and said she had been havinng some contractions. She was not sure if this was "it", but wanted to let me know. I said that I would come on over and if things stopped I could just go back to bed at her house.
I arrived at her house at 6:15 a.m. She was having very strong, regular contractions and her water had broken. YEP! This was it!!!!!!
It soon became apparent to all in the house that this labor would be fast...much faster than the girls births. She was vomiting during contractions and snapping at people. Snappy laboring moms are good!!!!!!
Noelle and Jon were laboring on the couch for a while. 
Noelle commented that there is NO WAY she could do this for another 6 or 7 hours. We all assured her that this birth would not take that long. She said that around 7 a.m. and the baby was born at 9 a.m. SO cool!
Noelle got adjusted and it really helped her contractions be more regular. I personally LOVED being adjusted in labor.
Okay, time for the pool!
OOOOHHH.....so so so much better!
Brennah did so well helping her mom.
Maggie liked helping but she was just so excited that she would go in at out of the room....saying, "When is the baby coming???!!!!"
Brennah telling her mom that she is doing so well. (future midwife!!!!)
Can anyone say TRANSITION????????? I know this feeling...ick. Good thing is that the baby was born just minutes later.
Okay, time to push. Noelle, you can do it!!!
(it was so cool...Noelle did not have ANY internal exams for her entire labor or birth. How nice is that?! Gotta love those midwives!)
Now I know that there are a lot of pictures missing from the last picture to the next picture...but I TRIED to edit them to be appropriate for the internet and my edit program refused to save my edits so I had to cut those picture out. But take my word for it...they are beautiful pictures! Noelle gives birth to her baby and she pulls him up onto her chest...Jon is sitting behind her and is SO PROUD to see that he has a son!!!!
Noelle meeting her new son.
Jon is so happy to have a little boy....I think he has already purchased the baby's first mountain bike. :)
Brennah saying hello to her brother.
After Noelle got out of the birth pool the midwives made her an herbal bath in her tub. The herbs smell SO SO SO good and are healiling for mom and very relaxing for her and the baby.
AAWW....such a little man! 
Jon is just on cloud nine. I think he said the words, "My son" and "My boy" at least 7,891 times in the few hours after the birth. It was so wonderful to watch!!!
Look at that little hiney!!!
Baby exam....measuring that 14 inch head. Wow! And Noelle had no tearing, praise the Lord! God obviously knows what He is doing...and made us moms PERFECT for having babies.
Little Findlay Carter weighs 9 pounds and 11 ounces. What a strapping young lad!
When he was a few hours old I got to hold him....what a SWEET HEART!!!!! I just could not put him down...I cannot wait to hold my own little baby!!!
Jon dressed Fin for the first time in a onesie that says, "I am not a girl" :)
Brennah holding her little brother.
Maggie's turn...
Presley was pretty excited about the baby as well. He keeps asking when our baby is coming out :)
Noelle and I...best friends...future in-laws :) I must have a girl to marry Fin...or a boy to be his best friend :)
Little Fin on day 2. His birth swelling has gone down and he is ADORABLE. I cannot believe it will be another 3 months till I see him again!
Jon and Noelle have a SON!!!!
After having two beautiful daughters, Noelle gave birth to a boy...Findlay Carter. He was born after about 4 hours of labor (yeah!) on Monday...Labor Day :)
(the odds of this happening, by the way, were 1 in 13,000,000. why? because she has had her other kids on Mothers Day and Valentines Day. cool, hu?!)
Fin was 9 lbs and 11 ounces with a 14 inch head. WOW! Noelle was AWESOME during the labor and birth and had her waterbirth. She had no tears and felt fantastic afterwards.
I do have about 17,844 pictures...however, I cannot load them on this computer so I will have to wait till I get home. When I post them I will include a quite detailed story of the birth...of course!
But for now...congrats to Jon, Noelle, Brennah and Maggie on the birth of their new baby boy :)
Mom, Tarin, Presley and I are headed towards Texas this morning! Yeah!!!!!
We will stop about halfway and spend the night....a 14+ hour trip straight through is more than I can handle.
I am going for the birth of my dear sweet Noelle! This is her 3rd baby...second homebirth....first (hopeful) waterbirth...she has two beautiful girls (my future daughter-in-laws!) and we are all thinking that this baby is a boy. However...a disclaimer...I am always wrong on what the baby is...so we will see.
So you will probably be graced with a detailed rendition of her birth story as soon as I can post it :)
One more thing.
My midwife came over for my prenatal visit the other day. We had a good time talking and hanging out...gotta love those 1+ hour long visits :)
So time came for her to palpate the baby and she was smiling at the fact that the kid kept kicking her...and she said, "Well, this is no shrimpy kid."
Hello! I was 23 weeks at the time....the kid is supposed to be shrimpy! So if he/she is not shrimpy now, what does that say for the baby at full term? Not to panic, my friends, I am only being dramatic. I know full well this baby will not be small. After several 9.8-10.8 pound babies I am not expecting a small baby.
I just found it humorous. My baby is not a shrimp. :)
Such a cute video about kids and bedtime...and so very true :)
Enjoy!!!
http://timmybrister.com/2007/08/11/four-months-and-counting/
Okay people....you MUST read this Ebay auction. It will be gone soon since the auction is over..so hurry!!!!!!!!!! Read the whole thing. You will DIE laughing...and you will be able to relate if you have more than a couple of kids. I loved it :)
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=130144061675&ru=http%3A%252
